OPINION: Workplace Water Cooler Conversations and May Day Ubuntu

‘Trust has to be the highest form of human motivation. It brings out the very best in people” – Stephen Covey

In honour of May Day or better known as Workers Day, I thought a piece on relationships in the workplace needs some attention. When we hear the word relationships we immediately think, of love, romance and couples.  However, every interaction is a relationship, whether we cultivate it or not. You have a relationship with a teller at your favourite 7/11 or even with the stranger down the street that you greet every morning.  Your interaction with your barber is a relationship, right down to the CEO of your company, whether you know them or not.  Relationships are not solely defined by the status of time spent together or the depth of love you have for that person.

The Oxford Dictionary defines relationships as; the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other or the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other.

Ever heard the question, what is their relationship? Or what was their relationship like? Human beings are naturally social creatures. And when you consider that we spend one-third of our lives at work, it’s clear that good relationships with colleagues will make our jobs more enjoyable.  Whatever label you put on a relationship it still is the very definition of who we are as people, We are who we interact with, who we do not interact with and who we choose to interact with.  There has been many theories, hypothesis and research made on numerous statuses, and studies around the psychology and benefits of the various relationships we engage as humans. Good workplace relationships give you freedom. Instead of spending time and energy dealing with negative relationships, you can, instead, focus on opportunities – from winning new business to focusing on personal development and succeeding in your position goals and performance.

It would be really great if all relationships ran smoothly as they affect every aspect of our lives and workplace relationships are no different. A great organisation or company to work for is one that invests in its employees and has their best interests at heart.  Successful organisations have personnel management systems in place that benefit their staff, not a means to control and trap their employees.  More and more organisations are realizing the value of happy employees. Happy employees mean loyalty and increased production and repeat business from content customers. This topic I will cover over 2 articles and today I want to look at what makes a successful working relationship.  It was interesting that last week’s article received comments about how difficult it is to still be a woman in business or in a corporate environment and how to this day, women are still expected to do more sexual favours, blur lines and look the other way on issues or harassment just to stay in the game and stay on the ladder to success. As a businesswoman myself I have become disillusioned over the years of the blatant expectation of romantic interludes put on the table to ensure the contract or the position. In a business situation, there is no recourse or assistance to safeguard against these situations, however, in the workplace, a person has systems that are now in place that protect one from these situations, thankfully for active, involved and employee-driven human resource departments, organisations such as trade unions and the CCMA. These are the very structures why we have Workers Day. It was these organisations that fought for the rights of employees, the safeguarding policies we have today and the eradication of slave labour. With that said, let’s get back to the water cooler.

The questions I pose to you today are how good are the relationships that you have with your colleagues, leadership and customers? How active is your human resource department? How much of the Code of Conduct is actually adhered to and how happy are your staff?

In one of my very early experiences as an employed young lady, I had first-hand experience of the advantage a person in power in the workplace can have on another person in a lesser position. This is some years back in the early 90s, hahaha, yes I went from high school into the workplace, something no one really prepares you for. All I knew is that sitting at home was not an option and studying at that time neither was an option for my parents.

My first real employment came as a receptionist. My position was in a small family business that had its reception area in the same place where the service of motor vehicles happened. There was nothing very glamorous about the position,  especially not in comparison to what I saw on television.  Receptionists were mostly viewed as young ladies with heels,  a pencil skirt and a beautiful blouse, immaculate and professionally groomed for a day of diary management, answering of telephone calls and taking dictation of letters. This position I secured definitely broke that image fast.   I worked in a workshop,  so I mostly wrote jeans and takkies however armed with my typist skills (that was an exam subject in matric) and my TV viewing knowledge of what a receptionist was,  I was ready to take on the world.

I loved my job,  the guys I worked with were helpful, and friendly and included me as part of them from the onset.  Before long I was running the show like it was second nature. This was short-lived, however. One lunch break one of the bosses had followed me into the bathroom, and as I was the only female, there was no distinction between bathrooms.  While I washed my hands my boss came up behind me and started coming on to me heavy and forceful.  Fortunately,  a customer came for their car and I was literally saved by the bell. Having no knowledge of what rights I had as an employee or what a code of conduct was I had no idea how to proceed. Added to that, I needed to work and couldn’t see my way out of not working. I could not hide my disdain and fear, and very soon this situation changed the very dynamic of the team and the atmosphere at work.  I was afraid to be left alone with my boss. I was too afraid to even look at him.  I would walk away from my reception counter the moment he came to answer a call or do get me to do a quote.  I was oblivious to any procedures that I could follow. With every passing day I grew to hate my job and the very idea of getting up and going to work wore me down.  Fortunately; my reputation as a great front-line person preceded me, and a company down the road which we work closely with called me and offered me better opportunity.  I actually would have left simply to get out and away from my current work environment. While the new company lacked the same Human Resource Relations Policies, I was happy as their Girl Friday and spent 5 years working for them before I got in at The Department of Transport.

My first permanent position was in a government institution and this is where I learnt all things legal associated with working and employment.  Even though I started as Typist it was here that I found my passion for workplace relationships and all things labour law, and employee assistance programmes.  Mostly it was here that I learnt the value of Teamwork, the importance of customer relationships and the beauty of leadership that displayed both autocratic and servant leadership qualities.  Very soon I was put in charge of rolling out the Batho Pele initiative and team-building interventions within the department.  Now if somebody would have just told me that a Government position was a relationship for life, I would have had a happily ever after.  The value of the relationships I built here still holds today.  My ex-boss and his family still view me and my family as family. One of the best relationships I have to date is sharing with a guy that worked for one of the big 5 accounting firms in the country, who at the time was our suppliers. I still get called from friendships I forged in the ministry to run leadership courses and discuss ways to better relationships and partnerships between staff and the leadership in departments. I cannot stress the importance of having good well thought-through policies and procedures that benefit both employers and employees.  Unfortunately, most organisations today feel like every employee is replaceable and every employee works with one foot out the door, looking for the next best offer of even a R50 more in their salary.  With the economy the way it is businesses feel like Human Resources and Labour management are a waste of money and time and will do everything in their power that they can legally get away with to ensure that they get all they can out of their employees. This mentality and view of relationships will have the same outcome as a marriage, a very messy and expensive divorce will follow and costly and hard lessons learnt which could have been avoided had there been trust, respect, self-awareness, inclusion, and open communication.

When you trust your team members, you can be open and honest in your thoughts and actions. And you don’t have to waste time or energy “watching your back.”  Much like any relationship, workplace relationships are rooted in trust. Without trust, you have no foundation on which to build. From my experience as a Labour Relations Consultant and Human Resource Manager, I have seen first-hand what can happen to a team where there is no trust.  When team members are afraid to share and speak of ideas in a team afraid they will be presented by someone as their own. Or trust their colleagues enough that they will go the extra mile for them should they need their backing and support on a deadline or when in a work crisis on satisfying customers with little or no means to carry out the function. Working and watching your back is too exhausting and stressful and a staff member is more likely to look after themselves first before looking after the well-being of a colleague or in an organization they are merely seen as another number and easily replaced.  In our country particular the slight blocking of promotions and increased expectations of responsibility because of the colour of one’s skin unfortunately is still a heavy contender in successful workplace relationships.

When teams work together with mutual respect and value one another’s input, solutions can be found based on collective insight, wisdom, and creativity. Sadly this is a sad but real threat to our workplaces within the culture that comes with a South African mentality, or should I more say a human mentality. Respect for another human being’s livelihood and life is something of a dying characteristic of our relationships and interactions with one another.  There is a sad school of selfish thinking in the world of work that slowly is degrading the very fibre of our society, communities and economy.  It’s the lack of respect we have for the positions we hold, the respect for the responsibilities we yield, the respect for each other’s time and input and the respect for the value another person brings to the positions we hold.  We cannot run a successful and profitable organisation if everyone is out to bring each other down or see another fail so that we can succeed. Without respect for others soon you will be rowing your lifeboat by yourself trying to hold onto your paddles and bucket out the water your boat is taking in.

For any relationship to succeed and this is just as true for workplace relationships is taking responsibility for your words and actions, and not let your own negative emotions impact the people around you. When I was married, my ex-husband and I shared office space. Our businesses complimented each other and very often than most so did our staff. While our staff shared a common area to work from, my husband and I shared our work area. For meetings, workshops and team breakaways we had a common boardroom that served multiple purposes.  I was very in-tuned with our staff and began to see a difference in them when he was in the office with us or when it was just me,  I became very self-aware that they were beginning to pick up on my mood and my interaction with them when he was in the office.  Even though at the time I was not a Relationship Therapist, just like I knew I needed to get my sons and me out of a bad marriage, I saw the same for our staff. It was commonplace for him to swear, through staplers across the room if they had no staples in or a calculator that was monetarily stuck. His negative emotions would spill over and it affected the production and performance of the team.  Just like children afraid to go to a parent with a problem or solution to one, our staff were beginning to exhibit the same characteristics.

The office became a place of despair and made for a very unhappy work environment. Very soon this became evident in our bottom line, the increased number of sick days and very soon no amount of Gung Ho team-building interventions were enough. I do not have to tell you where that all ended.

As mentioned before more and more South Africans are finding it very difficult to be inclusive. The dynamic of team inclusion is fast becoming a thing of the past.  We are living in a time of self. I… I… I…! We no longer accept people’s ideas, opinions and view on anything if it means we cannot take credit for it. We need to learn that for our diverse and beautiful natures and cultures to survive in the workplace we must not just accept diverse people and opinions, but welcome them! We can practice this in situations where a colleague offers different opinions from yours, and factor their insights and perspective – or “cultural add” – into your decision-making, you will be amazed at how much your company and organizational culture and value-added will increase and become profitable. This is the beauty of democracy something we need to embrace and practice not just a word we use to explain the political landscape of our country.

All good relationships depend on open, honest communication. Whether you’re sending emails or direct messages, or meeting face-to-face or on video calls, the more effectively you communicate with those around you, the better you’ll connect. Having a hidden agenda and secretively causing distention between teams and leadership through dishonest communication can quickly bring about the downfall of your team and organisation. When we are honest, and open and relay problems we encounter or have personally caused, immediate action can be taken to mitigate the problem and bring a speedy solution. When your teams do not have the right communication and or are included in the communication, it is most likely that you will start having more water cooler meetings and negative culture of broken workplace relationships and a failing structure that will impact your bottom line.

When we think of interpersonal relationships, our first thoughts typically jump to friends and family. But with the average worker spending more than 50 hours every week interacting with their colleagues on the job, workplace relationships are an important part of most people’s lives. The success, or lack thereof, of workplace relationships can have an immense impact on workplace performance and ultimately, the success of a career and one’s livelihood.  Building and maintaining good working relationships will make you more engaged with your work, improve your career potential, and create a more harmonious work environment.

Use the following strategies to build good work relationships with your co-workers, managers, customers, and other stakeholders; Identify your relationship needs. Develop your people skills.

Focus on your emotional intelligence. (EI) Practice mindful listening. Manage your boundaries. Schedule time to build relationships. Appreciate others. Be positive. Avoid Water Cooler Gossiping.

Some work relationships will be more difficult than others. But with thought, time and effort these can become mutually beneficial, too. And with Workers Day around the corner let us remember at the core of the golden rule of Ubuntu is the phrase: “umuntu ngumuntu ugabantu” which means A PERSON IS A PERSON THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE.  We are most happiest and fulfilled when the relationships around us are thriving and to be totally humane is to ensure that human dignity is always at the core of our actions, thoughts, deeds and when interacting with others, be it in your private space or in your workplace.