How does one teach your child the fundamental value of being human and being aware that they should be afforded all their human rights when all around them is a deep injustice that is seeped into the very society they are born into? A life of daily poverty, a life of pain and abuse, a life of inequality, a life void of dignity, a life of daily hurt and shame, a life of such freedom that there are no rights afforded to them such as those of protection, shelter, a house, a life limited and a hopeless rated level of education, a life that daily strips you further of your fundamental right to be cared for, nurtured and protected.
This is the reality of most lives in South Africa. Yet we still have the freest, and best constitution in the world. Born out of pain from a history ingrained in bloodshed and loss. A country whose citizens woke up every day to torture, bloodshed, slavery, and their dignity stripped. The days when peace and hope seemed concepts so hard to grasp and so unattainable. CS Lewis said – “Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn, My God, do your learn”. Yet what have we learned as South Africans from our past, from our scars? What did the teacher of apartheid teach us? The only difference now is a reversed wheel of fortune and still, the plight of the masses is lack, loss, and lifeless living. What has changed really changed? Can we honestly celebrate Human Rights Day is a day that every South African should enjoy, when there are still lives shamefully and wickedly without dignity and rights afforded them. Where have we gone wrong? Cry our beloved country.
When my sons were of an age of understanding I shared with them the fight of the youth on the morning of 21 March 1960, and the events of Sharpeville. I would plan that on Human Rights day we would watch a movie that would somehow bring the reality home of how on that day 69 people died and 180 were wounded when police fired on a peaceful crowd that had gathered in protest against the Pass laws. I explained the passed laws, the restriction of movement, the areas that were designated to a certain class of people, and the shameful and brutal torture of the majority of people by the minority. I explained the methods of teaching and the substandard condition of the education institution and resources afforded some in a way to keep them oppressed and living in fear. Oh to relate the story of Madiba’s release and the day that birthed human rights day, when the country held its first democratic election, and anti-apartheid revolutionary Nelson Mandela was elected as its first democratic President. What a hopeful and transformational day…
I explained that Human Rights Month is commemorated in March to remind South Africans about the sacrifices that accompanied the struggle for the attainment of democracy in South Africa and what it meant for us, as children growing up in a fair and free democracy and the future it meant for their children. Yet as our children grow older the beautiful story of democracy seems so far away and definitely looks more and more like a fairy tale, It’s not hard to see that in terms of the Bill of Rights, everyone has a right to life, equality, and human dignity is not reality. That all persons have a right to citizenship and security and that all persons and groups are entitled to freedom of assembly, association, belief and opinion, and expression. I witness firsthand the gloom in our youth and the pain and fear in the lives of many adults living in this free and fair democracy.
The theme for March 2023 is: “Consolidating and Sustaining Human Rights Culture into the Future”. For me, these just reads like a verbal spewing and stringing of words together that make the author sounds intelligent. We cannot have a future if our present is such that so many South Africans live daily without their rights being addressed or met. By the time you would read this, we would have passed the 21st of March and hopefully have survived the threat of a National Shutdown as well as a strike by our Police and Protection Services which is/was followed hot on the heels of a strike by nurses countrywide. So I will continue to write this article in light of human rights month and not just the one day that commemorates all that has been lost.
For those parents of little ones starting out your story about human rights will sound different. It would be not to call anyone out on the colour of their skin. See our difference is our colour but it’s not right to say it out allowed. Do not touch another person’s hair and say why is it not like mine? You will continue to say, roll up your windows and hide anything valuable under the seat before we get to the robots, and don’t make eye contact. Your story would go on to say don’t share your lunch with anyone or take the lunch they offer you, you don’t know where they come from. The fear in you as a parent would say do not stand in a group as teenage boys, especially because of your skin colour, as the police may think you are a gang or associate you with carrying knives and drugs. You would tell your daughter that we really won’t mind if you dated a boy that does not look like us but we are not going to his house and sitting with his family. They are different from us.
When I got married to a man outside my race group, his ex-wife almost went ballistic, She could not imagine her son growing up with me let alone coming for weekends to a coloured community. One of the many phone calls through the weekend was one on a Friday night when my stepson arrived for the weekend. I guess she must have had the talk with him about our differences, status, and who was the superior. I was getting ready to bathe the boys, all 3 of them together. They were 4 and 5 and after a fun day of playing in the mud, catching insects and worms, and building stuff out of branches and leaves, the bedtime bath routine was the best. Bubble baths, oils, and loads of bath toys. For them, the playing did not stop as I would leave them to play in the bath for an hour while I prepared dinner. The shrills and laughter were music to my ears, however, this particular Friday night was different. After the regular call at 6pm from his mom, my stepson refused to get into the bath. To a point that he was crying and hanging onto his father’s leg. When we eventually got him to calm down he said that his mom said that he was no longer allowed to bathe with my twins. I responded calmly that if he does not feel comfortable being bare-bummed with my boys anymore I totally understood. He responded that it was not that. He said that he did not want to be brown, that if he bathed with them their colour would go onto him. This was a 5-year-old and this was his truth, a truth that was been taught to him by a parent. And without knowing already bringing forth a school of thought that we are different, we are from a different class system and we are superior. You see, the powerful relationship you have as a parent with a child can change the face of our society and save our country that is fast heading into destruction. As parents, and as adults we have the power to change the narrative. We learn from the past so that the future is different. We learn from the past so that mistakes made then are not repeated now. We learn from the past wanting more and better for our children, yet that does not come about if we are decoding the message to continue the mindset of old. So how did we deal with that situation, we called his Mom who managed to rant and rave and added that I was not to be left alone with her child as I come from a society that rapes and abuses children. So for a few months, we changed the weekends we have the boys and that lasted all of 2 months before my need for complete family life trumped that of an emotionally and mentally stunted human being. I made it very clear that my children, all of them would see themselves as family, as no different than the other and the only thing that made us different was our character and personalities. From that day it made so much sense why my parents took us to live in community life where we grew up to see no colour, just human beings.
The right to dignity, housing, sanitation, and protection is stripped daily for many people in our societies if we would lift up our heads from watching everyone else lives on reality TV and take cognitive of our own here in South Africa. People are stripped of their dignity and access to their basic rights met on a daily basis. I do not even need to look far, Maybe as you read this you are one of the people experiencing this life and living it. I wish there was more that could be done and that our leaders truly woke up and realised the shame and destruction they have caused over the years. In the area where I live, almost every house has a Jojo tank where most of us pray daily for rain, The access to clean water and sanitation is not a right for us, it’s a privilege afforded to us whenever the powers that be grant us running water, and even then it’s undrinkable and cannot be used for daily consumption and washing. Most people go buy water, not just a 5 liter here and here but drums and gallons of water to get through the month. Fortunately, these people can afford it, but what about the majority that cannot? Still to this day, there are women and men standing by a single tap in the area or by someone’s borehole that has allowed people to collect water when and if they need it. There are also those in the locations that still use the river for water even though it’s not tested with people bathing, defecating, and washing their clothes all in the same water somewhere upstream.
The lady that I employ still uses a long drop arch-loo-designed toilet system that is still encouraged and built on some RDP developments. If you drive along the highway and go inland you will see pockets of abstract contrast of mansions to mud houses, The areas still sport each mud-constructed home or a very small dwelling built by the government with outside latrines with no running water. No matter the area you find yourself in South Africa you will find a dwelling made of recycled material collected at the dumps or outside people’s homes, that is put together with tin and nails and is adequately deemed fit to reside in that offers housing and protection. These homes are literally built side by side with a neighbour (people literally live on top of each other with no privacy or dignity) yet instead of granting the community adequate housing and sanitation the government’s answer is to provide electricity and municipal services to a community who is living in squalor and degrading, inhumane conditions.
From an extract taken from Human Rights Commission, published by East Coast Radio, we look at the 15 rights every citizen must know as we celebrate Human Rights Month and day on the 21st of March. The Bill of Rights protects the rights of every South African, and it’s important that all South Africans know the most basic rights afforded to them. Below are some of the most crucial rights you should know.
The right to equality -The right states that everyone is equal and must be treated equally. No one has the right to discriminate against you based on your race, gender, sex, marital status, ethnic or social origin, colour, sexual orientation, age, disability, religion, conscience, belief, culture, language, or birth among others.
Human dignity -Everyone has inherent dignity and the right to have their dignity respected.
Life – Everyone has a right to life and nobody, not even the state, has the right to take a life. This means that no person can be sentenced to death by the courts.
Freedom and security – This means that no one can be put in prison without good reason; be detained without trial; be tortured in any way or be treated or punished in a cruel, inhuman, or degrading way. It means that all humans have a right to be free from all forms of violence from either public or private sources. Arrested, detained, and accused persons. Any arrested person has a right to a lawyer and cannot be forced to speak or to make a confession. Prisoners must be kept in proper living conditions and may have visits from family members.
Personal privacy – No one, not even the government, has the right to search your house or property or even have your possessions seized without following the correct legal channels. The government cannot infringe on the privacy of your communication – this includes opening your emails or listening to your phone calls.
Freedom of Expression – South Africans have the freedom to say, write or print what they want, but this right must never violate anyone else right or break the law in any way.
Freedom of Association – Everyone has the right to associate with anyone they want to associate with. This means people have a right to associate with a trade union, a political party, or any other club or association, including religious denominations and organisations, fraternities, and sports clubs.
Political Rights Every citizen has the right to form a political party; participate in the activities of, or recruit members for a political party, and to campaign for a political party or cause. Every citizen has the right to free, fair, and regular elections for any legislative body established in terms of the Constitution and every adult citizen has the right to vote in elections for any political party, and to do so in secret. Every citizen can stand for public office and, if elected, to hold office.
Education Everyone has the right to a basic education, including adult basic education; and to further education.
Healthcare, food, water, and social services. Everyone has the right to have access to health care services, including reproductive health care; sufficient food and water; and social security, including, if they are unable to support themselves and their dependents, appropriate social assistance.
Slavery, servitude, and forced labour. You have a right to choose who you want to work for and the kind of work you do, and you must be paid for your work. No one can be forced to work for someone else.
Citizenship. No one’s South African citizenship can ever be taken away from them.
Housing. Everyone has the right to access adequate housing. The government cannot take your house away from you or evict you from your home if you own it.
Children. All children have the right to parental care, shelter, and food. Children may not be neglected or abused or forced to work.
With all these rights and freedom in this not-so-free and just country, I do believe it is left to the narrative we are telling our children and the knowledge and empathy for another we are passing onto them. Everyone no matter what colour, their birthright, their culture, or faith they were born into should be first seen as a human being and then as a person who deserves the life you expect and wants for yourself.
Tessa Green
Relationship and Behavioural Therapist
From Bedroom to Boardroom and all relationships in-between
