Dear gentle reader… Ha ha ha, no, this is not a sensational gossip article. Instead, I aim to inspire and spark a fire in all the fathers who read this and encourage all the mothers out there to honour and uplift the fathers in their lives so they feel empowered to embrace their rightful place in society.
We live in a world bombarded daily with messages, memes, thoughts, emotions, feelings, choices, and desires that have shaped us into a society driven by a click. We no longer grant ourselves the autonomy to form our opinions and instead, we mindlessly follow the latest trending tweet or live for the whims of a life that is popular, regardless of the message. Governed by emotions, the vast world of media capitalizes on this, using it to influence our thoughts, sway our emotions, and alter our lifestyles. My prayer is that we stop this behaviour and I intend to utilize this media platform to reshape your perspective on the role society has confined men to.
Fatherhood has been reduced to the term “baby daddy.”
I find it disconcerting when women refer to the father of their children as merely a “baby daddy”. By doing so, we inadvertently permit men to be nothing more than that in their children’s lives. This attitude allows men to sow their wild oats without accountability, as they are perceived solely as “baby daddies” or “sperm donors”. Consequently, our society is now plagued with single mothers raising children in the midst of a revolving door of men, setting an example of what a man is and what his role entails. Inadvertently, we raise boys with the notion that mothers raise children, while men can roam freely, coming and going as they please. As a woman and a single mother, I am deeply troubled by this mindset and I apologize to my sons if I ever conveyed the message that it’s acceptable to have children casually without acknowledging the profound responsibility of fatherhood and being content with being labeled as a “baby daddy”. Sons, forgive this Momma if I ever led you to believe it’s okay to shirk your duties and not embrace your rightful place as a man. Please, don’t follow that path.
Across various cultures, fathers traditionally embody three key roles: the protector, the provider, and the disciplinarian. I take immense pride in having been raised by a father who fulfilled these primary roles in my life and much more. A father who actively engaged in my daily life, who knew his significance to us as children. I commend my mother for recognizing and honouring his role all these years. Every day, my father has shown up and embraced fatherhood with unwavering commitment. I can unequivocally declare that my father epitomizes fatherhood, and I am certain my four siblings concur, despite each of us having distinct experiences with him at various life stages. As a daughter, I have always expressed my desire to marry a man like my father, yet when faced with the reality, my choices were far from resembling my father. Therefore, when I advocate for fathers to claim their place, I do so in admiration and commendation of every father who has bravely assumed their rightful role in their children’s lives as protectors, providers, and disciplinarians, with love and wisdom.
The term “baby daddy” is simply a label for an absent father; You are more than this vacant role. You are more than a mere contributor of genetic material. You are called to a higher calling and standard. You are the cornerstone of every family, the backbone of society, the pillar of every community, the pride of every daughter, and the role model for every son. You are the wisdom passed down through generations. You are the beacon our children look up to, to lead by example and demonstrate love and respect toward their mothers. You are tasked with guiding your children with wisdom and patience and being present in their lives, cherishing every moment. Your duty is to instill values in our children, nurture a strong moral compass, support their aspirations, and inspire them to pursue their dreams. Fathers, you play a crucial role in shaping your children’s emotional well-being. Children rely on fathers to establish and enforce rules, provide a sense of security, both physical and emotional, and offer spiritual guidance. Children need assurance, as well as gentle and loving discipline with clearly defined boundaries. Fathers, this is your mandate. This is your purpose, and you are far more than what and who society portrays you to be.
Ladies, you are resilient, formidable beings. Over centuries, history has painted us as objects for pleasure, housekeepers, and child-bearers. This narrative has created resentment within us through the centuries, and although a shift towards recognizing women as more than just a lesser sex was imperative, we have inadvertently perpetuated the notion that we are capable of doing everything and having everything, not needing men for anything. We have even taken on the responsibility of fathers as single mothers, erroneously succumbing to societal messages that suggest we can thrive without men in our lives. Today, some women will confirm this message by accepting congratulations on being a father also to your child. This is not right and not fair to the man who has stood up in his role. We are not fathers, and we can never replace them. Fathers fulfill a vital role. An intrinsic leadership role in the family structure that is essential and independent of their romantic intimate relationship with us, mothers. When this relationship is broken, you /we have no right in diminishing his role as father and his relationship to his child to a pay check and “baby daddy”. We must shift our perspective and cease categorizing them as “losers, animals, useless, stupid, good for nothing” as this molds the role they conform to and the lie that our children hear and the wrong message our boy child grows up to be. Your child’s father is more than a financial provider. He is more than a paycheck. He has a divine role to fulfill, and unless we alter these perceptions, societal issues will persist, leading to adults dependent on substance abuse, men behaving badly, and individuals engaging in destructive behaviours without regard for others. If we continue diminishing the role of fathers to mere sperm donors, we are heading towards societal collapse, with our children following suit. Fathers who stand up and embrace their role as fathers share a paramount relationship with their children, one that transcends their relationship with the mother. So…Ladies, take a step back and allow Fathers, to step up.
My experience has shown that children thrive when they have a close relationship with both parents, each offering unique qualities the other may lack. I have witnessed this in my own upbringing and as a single mother. As children grow older, a father’s role remains crucial, albeit evolving, much like a mother’s role. While the dynamics of fatherhood and single parenting have shifted, the essence of the role remains unchanged. Therefore, I salute fathers who go above and beyond for their children, who courageously embrace fatherhood with pride. To those fathers still finding their way, remember, you are more than a fleeting moment, a name on a child maintenance order, or a casual partner or part-time parent. You are in the most significant relationship of your life. So, stand firm and fulfill the role of a superhero, as that is precisely what you are to the life that depends on you beyond your fractured relationship with the mother of your child.
Demonstrating love and respect requires action, not just words, and sets an example for our sons and daughters on how they should be treated. Humanity is grateful for the lessons you impart to the next generation. Society needs you to be the role model and leader you were destined to be. I hope you realize today how remarkable you are, the value you bring to this world, your identity in this role, and where you need to show up and stand tall. The prospect of change in our world hinges on debunking the falsehoods men are fed today. You are a crucial mentor to your son and a living embodiment of manhood and masculinity to your daughter. You embody the essence of manhood, with the privilege of bestowing a blessing or a curse on future generations. I pray you choose the former.
Fathers, you are the divine gift to our children from God. You bear the title of being called a father. Therefore, stand firm, and thank you from this mother to all the fathers who are already doing so. Our children are indebted to you, HAPPY FATHERS DAY DADDY AND TO EVERY SINGLE FATHER OUT THERE. YOU ROCK!!
